my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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