u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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