His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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