I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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