If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
