You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
