i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
