If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
