I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
