We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My life is pants optional.
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