If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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