My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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