I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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