well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
