there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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