Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
