I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
