once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
