is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
