Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
