I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
