you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
