Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
