put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
