How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
