Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
