OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
