I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
