drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
