Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
