clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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