I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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