I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
