After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
