wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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