also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone came in the potted fern
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
