i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
