Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
then he tried to convert me to islam
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
