im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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