Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
