Me too!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
