We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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