Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
