im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
