The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
