and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
