break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
