i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
