WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
