I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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