i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
