That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
