I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
