i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
