I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
